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Living With Mom's Death HuffPost

Living With Mom's Death HuffPost

By Chris Spargo For Dailymail.com Published: 22:24, 22 December 2016 | Updated: 01:36, 23 December 2016 e-mail var twitterVia = 'MailOnline'; DM.later('bundle', function(){ DM.has('shareLinkTop', 'shareLinks', { 'id': '4059812', 'title': 'Lorena Bobbitt speaks 23 years after cutting of her husband\'s penis', 'url': 'http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4059812/Lorena-Bobbitt-23-years-later-Battered-wife-cut-abusive-husband-s-penis-dealing-infamy-despite-leading-quiet-life-daughter-11-longtime-partner.html', 'eTwitterStatus': ' http://dailym.ai/2h7gIKh via @' + twitterVia, 'articleChannelFollowButton': 'MailOnline', 'isChannel': false, 'hideEmail': true, 'placement': 'top', 'anchor': 'tl'}); }); 8 shares 52 View comments DM.later('bundle', function(){ DMS.Article.init('top'); }); 52View commentsIt has been more than two decades since Lorena Bobbitt, a young wife from Virginia who alleged she had been a victim of both physical and sexual assault at the hands of her husband, cut off his penis.Lorena would later testify in court that after her husband John Wayne came home and went to bed on the night of June 23, 1993 she grabbed a knife and cut off his penis at the base for cheating on her with another woman.She then drove off and threw the shaft into a field before calling police and admitting to what she had done. That was followed by an explosive trial during which she detailed her many allegations of abuse against John.She successfully avoided jail in the end but did have to undergo a 45-day evaluation at a psych facility when a jury declared her insane.It has been 23 years since the incident and Lorena has managed to largely avoid the spotlight, but in a new interview she explained that despite her attempts to live  a quiet life with her young daughter, 11, and longtime partner, she cannot escape her past.Scroll down for video Tears: Lorena Bobbitt, 46, is opening up 23 years after she cut of her boyfriend's penis with a knife wile he slept (above on the stand in 1994)Pointing fingers: She then took John Wayne Bobbitt's (above in 1994 during the trial) penis with her and left their home, throwing it into a fieldSoon after Lorena called police to tell them what she did and they were able to find and reattach his shaft in a nine-hour surgery (Lorena and her daughter above in 2013)'All the jokes, it hurt at first,' Lorena said while speaking with The Huffington Post.'Now, I don’t care. I laugh, too.'Lorena said back during the trial that after her husband cheated on her something snapped and she waited until he fell asleep to go get a knife and cut off most of his shaft and the entire head of the penis.After she called police however they were able to not only find the missing penis but also get John to the hospital in times for a surgery that successfully reattached his member to his body.It took close to 10 hours to reunite John and his penis, and while that was happening Lorena was placed under arrest. When the trial began, the details of the alleged abuse Lorena had been suffering for years was horrifying, but few took it very seriously, including members of the press.'They wanted to talk about his penis, not my story,' said Lorena. 'Maybe it looked like a reality show from the outside, but we were not in a cast. It was real life.'Lorena details how she met John when she was still a 'naive' teenager, saying that they were married by the time she was 20 and the alleged abuse began soon after that.Over the next three years police were called to the house multiple times in response to calls made by Lorena, and at one point arrested John for hitting his wife in the face. They had discussed the possibility of divorce and then Lorena went and cut off the penis, which resulted in her being charged with malicious wounding and looking at 20 years in prison.During the trial the prosecution did little to defend John against the allegations being made against him, and when he was eventually called to testify he himself had trouble keeping his story straight.Despite this John was acquitted of rape, and in 1995 he and Lorena divorced.'I don't know how I survived,' said Lorena of her relationship with the former Marine. Lorena testified during the trial to the years of sexual and physical abuse she allegedly suffered at the hands of her husband (John's severed penis above)Lorena now lives in the same town with her longtime partner (above) and their 11-year-old daughterJohn went on to make a number of porn films in the years after the incidentIn the wake of the incident, Lorena has made her life all about helping others, while also settling down with longtime partner Dave Bellinger.The couple are raising their daughter, 11, in the same town were the infamous penis chopping took place. When asked why she never moved away, Lorena said: 'I would have been recognized anywhere, and I liked it here.'What was not so easy however wa not seeing herself as a vaictim after the incident. 'In the beginning, I’d say, "Why me?"' said Lorena.'But honestly, the way I see it, it happened to all of us … all women who were abused. I just happened to be the Lorena, but I’m not in the fight by myself. I’m in it for all women who have been victimized or will be victimized.'She also founded Lorena's Red Wagon, a non-profit organization that tries to prevent domestic abuse through family activities.Earlier this month the organization hosted a toy drive to benefit children in abusive relationships. The restaurant that hosted the event also donated a portion of their proceeds one night.'I am fine. I am very well aware of who I am. I accept myself,' explained Bobbitt. 'I believe I have a purpose in life. I won’t be stuck in the past.'  Share what you think The comments below have not been moderated. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. We are no longer accepting comments on this article.Published by Associated Newspapers LtdPart of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group



Because, holidays.'Tis the season. The "family season," that is. Whether you're dealing with one, or seven contentious blood relatives, these indispensable tips will help you turn out a terrific holiday gathering. Or at least a tolerable one. 1. Stop trying to fix Uncle Joe. Some people are difficult for the sake of being difficult. They lack the introspection skills to resolve conflict, and are generally unaware of how they rub off on others. If Uncle Joe's difficult with you, chances are he reacts this way with most people. Don't take his spiteful projections personally, and stop trying to make him happy. As long as Uncle Joe's behavior falls within legal limits, he's not going to Jerk Jail.2. Don't fan the family flames. It can be tempting to create problems with difficult people in anticipation of them eventually blowing their cool. Steer clear of the family fray by not reverting into fear and paranoia mode (walking on eggshells, waiting for the "other shoe to drop"). Remain positive and keep it simple: "I enjoyed our time together. It's nice when we all get along. Today was so much fun." 3. Protect yourself and your kids. When Mom pushes boundaries that negatively affect your family, remain firm, but loving. "I appreciate the time we had today, but as I mentioned before, bedtime is at 8:00 p.m. and we have to get going." Mom may see boundaries as a challenge, and an invitation to push your buttons. Hold your ground and impose "second level" boundaries, if necessary. For example, leave without engaging in any further conversation, turn off your mobile phone, and don't allow yourself to be guilted into repeated pleas to make an exception because "it's a special occasion." 4. Meditate/Deep Breath/Relax! Because you can't control others' actions, it's imperative to remain centered when your brother-in-law goes off the deep end. Practice the following relaxation tips:5. Focus on small talk. Make a mental list of those topics you find safe such as the weather, jello recipes, and your favorite TV show. If you talk about your husband and children, stick to generalities like favorite restaurants or school work. It's hard to invite contentiousness into the conversation when you don't go deep. Also, you can't be accused of ignoring anyone, or offending someone else with hot button topics when you stick to chitchat.6. Know you're a good person even if someone mistreats you. When a person projects their negative energy onto you, let it wash over you, rather than allow their meanness to stain your mood. Remember negative people are miserable people. Their treatment of you is a direct reflection about what's going on inside of them. 7. Accept your family. Avoid making them out to be more evil than necessary. And don't set them up - you wouldn't tell your secrets to a gossip, rely on a flake, or look for affection from someone who isn't able to give it, right? This is part of accepting them for who they are and who they're not. They're not going to change because they don't have to. Period. 8. Have an exit strategy. If 10 minutes is your limit for talking to Aunt Ruth, then excuse yourself, go out to the car, take a walk outside, get some fresh air, or go to the bathroom and recite positive mantras. 9. Create healthier patterns. Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Chances are you're repeating the same patterns of interaction over and over (albeit unconsciously). Positivity is contagious, and pleasant interactions can improve your chances of a healthier pattern forming. 10. Keep the situation in perspective. You're dealing with a difficult family member, and not a chemotherapy treatment.Linda Esposito, LCSW is a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, California. For more resources on dealing with difficult family relationships, check out Team Intrepid.Follow Linda on Facebook.





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